Between Holding On and Letting Go
As you know, I’ve been exploring And Spaces this month with Liz Lamoreux, and one of the biggest And Space I’ve been living in for a while now has been the space between Holding On and Letting Go.
And it has been a struggle.
I’m the type of person who holds onto things in my life (specifically the people I’ve lost and the pain from that experience). If you knew me personally, you would never know that I do that because on the outside it would seem like nothing really phases me. But I spend a lot of time doing inner work; when I do, it’s always in private—even my friends don’t know about it. And I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing—I think a lot of it has to do with me not wanting to burden anyone with my personal emotional struggles—but I just want to preface this by saying that that’s what I do.
I hold onto the hurt when I know I should just be letting it go.
And I’ve been working hard on changing that this year.
I had a few revelations while working through my unraveling journal for March and a huge lesson I need to learn is the art of letting go (along with the practice of stillness). I need to learn how to flow like water. It all makes sense now why I admire those who can just go with the flow. Because for years I felt like I just couldn’t. But that’s been my life lesson all along! I just had to go through a series of events to become aware of it.
I’ve been learning that the ability to let go is at the core of the Law of Attraction. Your manifestations can’t occur if you’re too busy holding on to things—thoughts, people, emotions, etc.—that would serve you better to let go. You have to surrender those things to the Universe in order for your manifestations to occur.
You can’t receive from the Universe if you’re too busy holding on to what you should be letting go.
And while I’m consciously aware of this, it’s still easier said than done. But I’m getting better at it (I hope). Because I’m tired of holding on to the same emotions, patterns, and thoughts. It’s interesting that once we make something a habit, it’s very hard to break. But I’m becoming better at catching myself when I begin to spiral down into that pain I’m still holding onto.
Both the Full Moon in Scorpio and the New Moon in Taurus this month were about letting go and releasing our grip on attachment. I see that as another sign from the Universe that this is the lesson I need to learn in this phase of my life. I feel like not only do I need to learn to let go of past painful experiences, hurts that I’ll never get an apology for, and people who are never coming back, but I also need to learn to let go of expectations. I always say that nothing ever surprises me anymore because while I want certain things to happen in a certain way, the expectation that I have is always that they never do. And I feel like I need to let go of this negative way of thinking. Because maybe—just maybe—if I want something to happen, expecting that it will happen might actually make it happen. (IDK, it works like that right?)
Anyway, I just need to learn the art of letting go—but not in a way that I don’t care anymore. Because I do care intensely about all of it—the losses, the experiences, the people. I care about my dreams that haven’t come true yet. I just need to learn—and really believe—that when I don’t get something that I want, it wasn’t for me, and that the next thing to come around with be 100x better.